As much as I love the holiday season, I always find this time of year utterly exhausting. Between baking, work parties, friend parties, ugly Christmas Sweater parties, homemade holiday cards, making sure no one is left off of the list, homemade hot cocoa bars, making sure you spend time with families equally, making sure that dang elf gets moved every stinkin’ night, remembering to water the tree, remembering to turn off the lights before bed, there is usually nothing left of myself to give. This year I decided to just…let…go.

              This has been the absolute best year of my life. I’ve worked hard on myself this year with my career, my personal goals, with fostering an even more loving marriage and a great relationship with my son. Accordingly, the thought of saying sayonara to not only this year, but this decade a stressed-out mess wasn’t an option for me. I decided the best Christmas present I could give was grace.. (*wait for it*)..to MYSELF! I am allowing myself the freedom of not feeling guilty for choosing my sanity over the ‘season’. This, in turn, actually makes me a whole lot more jolly than the frazzled shell of a person I typically end of being.

Therefore, this year I am skipping out on the Christmas parade because my son doesn’t need any more beads. I am skipping out of the holiday cards as neither of my boys likes their pictures taken and I’m not hand drawing them in for another year. I’m skipping out on the work Christmas parties as, even though I will miss seeing everyone, the thought of small talk wears me out. I’m skipping out on the Santa pictures because this is the first year my son knows Santa isn’t real and he never wanted to sit on some strange guys lap anyway. This year I am not buying everyone gifts as, let’s be honest, it would only be a gift card since I’m always a mess. This year I’m not moving our Frank the elf as my son now finds it a joy to move for when his friends come over. This year I am hosting no one for Christmas as my boys and I like to go a full day in our pj’s playing with the new toys and watching Home Alone on repeat. This year I am not decorating my house to compete with those lovely Instagram ladies who act as if they have it all together. This year.. I’m skipping out on the things that I don’t need.

This year, I am gaining a trip to Ohio to see some family. I am gaining the time to take and pass my PMI-ACP exam that not many people actually do. I am gaining the time to get some writing done, that truly fulfills me. I am getting to take the boys up on their invites for 1 on 1 basketball in the driveway. I am gaining full nights of sleep that would otherwise elude me during this stressful time of year. I am gaining random nights out eating Mexican with my boys because they want to celebrate it being a Thursday. I am gaining family date nights as there are so many new movies out this time of year. I am gaining the free time to be able to go over a friend’s house when they’re really sick just to play with her sweet children so she can have a moment to breathe. I am gaining the hiking adventures my son takes me on. I am gaining the presence and wherewithal to truly appreciate each moment as it comes, not stressing over the next.

Please don’t get my sentiment wrong. I am ABSOLUTELY in the holiday spirit and prance around in my elf hat singing Christmas carols any chance I get as this is my favorite time of year. Heck, I’m doing all I can to make it socially acceptable to play Christmas music year-round. It just hasn’t caught on yet, same as the 80’s perm I’m trying to bring back. And yes, for the Christmassy things that still speak to my heart, I will make time for them. I’m just allowing myself the ability to let go of the expectations that society has put upon me as a mother along with the expectations I have put on myself. I am learning that my presence and participation will be what is remembered and not the perfectly frosted cookies and living room that was Instagram ready.

So for all of you this holiday season, I wish you guilt-free grace.. and LOTS of spiked egg-nog 😉

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