I Allow My Child to Swear: Taking the Taboo Out of Profanity

Now, before any panties start to bunch up in your nether-regions, please allow me to explain…

I was raised with multiple families, as different as they could come. My parents were separated before I was even born which allowed them to create their own foundations of their households. Additionally, the introduction of stepparents truly added to the diversification. I am, by no mean, a professional… but being raised with multiple methodologies has allotted me to see what works and what doesn’t, really form an opinion from my unique perspectives.

The views of swearing among my families was, without surprise, as varying as they could come. As a young adult, I would dabble with a curse here or there… but as time went on, it seemed as though my soul could only truly express itself with such colorful language that it would make a sailor blush. Of course I could be professional and control it when needed, but over the past decade or so, I ended up working in situations that not only allowed profanity but, due to the stress levels, almost required it for survival.

(As a side note, there have been studies regarding research on how swearing is actually a sign of higher intelligence. Just saying, going to leave this right here: https://www.sciencealert.com/swearing-is-a-sign-of-more-intelligence-not-less-say-scientists )

Once I had my son, I knew I would do what I could to shield him from curse words.. but let me be 100% transparent and tell you that I failed on a regular basis. I typically only swear when I’m truly angry or hurt. Although my boy rarely seems my temper, I am an extreme klutz that injures herself on a daily basis. With this comes his wherewithal to recognize words that he shouldn’t. So this put my husband and I in a situation on figuring out the best way to handle… better yet, it put ME in a position on how to handle this as it was my potty-mouth that got us in the situation in the first place.

I recall the first time our little James swore as he was just a couple months shy of 2 years old. We were having a garage sale and he didn’t know I could overhear him. He happened to drop a toy car and, to himself, he said ‘Shit!’. I had to walk away VERY quickly so I could hide my laughter. I mean even the syntax was spot on! I gave my profanity-laced toddler a freebie but knew right then and there I needed to choose a course and stick to it.

From that moment on, I gave him a free pass… more specifically ONE free pass.. per word. He was raised to understand language is for everyone, it is how we communicate and vital to be a contributing member of society. Yet, just like alcohol or voting, utilizing swear words are for grown-ups and grown-ups only. However, I also knew that if you don’t allow someone to do something, they typically want to do it even more.

So we, together, created a compromise. If James heard a word and wasn’t sure if it was considered a grown-up only word or not, he was to ask. If he asked before using it, he received a free pass. This not only assisted with the truly colorful words, but also the ‘grey area’ words that aren’t kind but aren’t technically swear words, either. Did my son sometimes ask about words I knew he knew? Sure! Did I care? Not one bit.. because it allowed the taboo-ness to be removed.

Yet, with my flexibility around swearing, I DO think it’s vital to note a few stronghold positions that are non-negotiable in my book:

• There is to be a no-tolerance policy on using profanity in anger, especially if it is aimed at someone else
• When most children swear, it’s to get attention. If they swear without permission, attention is the last thing I would give them. Once the moment has passed, that is when I would sit them down and have a discussion about adult-words.. if and ONLY if both of you are calm and attentive. Otherwise, it’s a big ol’ waste of time.
• If your child is clearly frustrated but uses their language articulately without cursing, utilize positive reinforcement with them and explain how proud of them you are

I’m not naïve to think he won’t use them when I’m not around but I hope that with this method, it will remove some of the urge to do so. I have been blessed with a sweet and sensitive boy who wears his heart on his sleeve… but I know he still has puberty that will be knocking on the door soon so who knows what that will bring. (Insert ugly sobbing over my bottle of vodka at the mere thought of my little boy ruining my nice washcloths here)

So, now that I’ve divulged my opinion on the matter, what is yours??